Location, Location, Location

Here only a few hours late for your reading pleasure, is our Monday column.

What is the most important part of real estate? Now don't cheat and go read the title. Bah, I said don't read it. But you're right, 'tis location, location, location. We have many featured locations within the Heroes and Villains story, and I'll tell you about a few of them today.

Each of these locations has been created by a different author and given a profile. Those profiles help us (the writers) as we revisit these locations. The profiles contain vital information about each location. They may be short, or quite long. Today we'll look into parts of Mammoth City.

Mammoth City was our first region, and my how it has grown. So many episodes have been set within its boundaries and we have only begun to scratch its surface. In the first far off days of this story we didn't know much about the city.

Mammoth City: A really big city, with tall buildings and a high crime rate.

Can you see what I mean? It wasn't really too much to go off, but it hasn't stopped us from exploring the city. We've gone from Mammoth University to the Zoo, to the slums, to Community General, to many different houses. But today I want to look at the universities specifically. Yes, that isn't a typo. If you recall in one episode Abby Gillis was sent to a university in Mammoth City that wasn't Mammoth U, 'twas Titan University. It hasn't been visited since, but hopefully it will be in the future.

Mammoth University (quite simply named) was the city's first created university. MSU is big and is known for chemistry, computer science, and engineering. As with the city that isn't much to go on, but as I said before that has never stopped up. Its history department is nothing to sneeze at, despite the meglomaniac tendencies of the department chair, Dr. Pettigrew. Yes, in areas apart from temperment (he never tried to kill me) Dr. Pettigrew is (very) loosely based off the chair of the History Department at The Master's College. I worked for three years as his TA, and so some of Dennis' experiences were either inspired or the descriptions enhanced by my experiences. The analysis program that Hegel devised for him really exists, created by Fibonacci.

I'm not sure when, but with Carry in the mix as a main character I'm sure that we'll get an opportunity to explore other departments of the college. Hopefully Pettigrew isn't the only faculty member that we'll know very well.

The other (currently known) institute of higher learning within Mammoth City is Titan College. From the start you must realize that the name is a humorous reference. Within the Star Trek universe William Riker, always first officer under Captain Picard on the Enterprise finally took command of the USS Titan in Star Trek: Nemesis. Hence the president of the school (hopefully not based on Dr. MacArthur) is Dr. Dean Riker. In contrast to Mammoth, Titan is known for its history program, perhaps Jean-Luc Owen could be the History Chair at Titan, ;-). Also to make things interesting for Abby I indicated that there is a fierce cross-town rivalry between the college sports teams.

That is all for now, but next week we'll be back to explore another aspect of this fascinating universe. Until then, enjoy reading about our Superheroes and Villains.

~Matt

Hegel Jeremiah

Haven't you always wanted to know more about your favourite minor character Hegel Jeremiah? (Psst...the only correct answer is yes, so please say it now. Thank you.) He made his first (oblique) appearance in the first Elfaeran Base episode: XVIII. There he was referenced as a computer genius friend of Damien Valiant that had written several programs for him. As I continued to write about Damien I explored the possibility of meeting Hegel. Consequently I had to develop him beyond his name.

Yes, before you ask he was based on Miah, at least in name. That much should be obvious. I don't remember where the Hegel came from, but I thought it sounded fun--definately an unusual first name. I don't remember if I intended Jeremiah to be his last name, but when I was writing the character profile I decided that it was too unusual. Hegel Jeremiah at that time appeared to me to be more of a nickname. I have an aunt whose first name is Mary and middle name is Jean. Nobody calls her Mary however, she is always Mary Jean. Before coming up with Hegel's last name I determined that he had a Scottish ancestry (at least partially). When I set him at Peters Community college I realized that I could have great fun with a pun by naming him McGonagall.

Now to his ethnicity, it is complicated. Both of his parents are naturalized American citizens, and both came from the far east. His mother immigrated from India in 1968 and chose to be named Elizabeth rather than her (currently unknown) birth name of Indian origin. His father was born in Hong Kong, but beware, this is where things get complicated, ;-). Hegel's paternal grandfather was a British soldier stationed in Hong Kong who chose to remain in that (now former) British colony after the end of his term of service. He was originally from Scotland, and his surname was obviously McGonagall (though unquestionably purely of Muggle blood). During his service in Hong Kong he met a woman from mainland China whom he later married--she being Hegel's paternal grandmother. Hegel therefore is half-India Indian and one quarter Chinese--he is far more Asian than European. Oh yes, his eyes are brown and he has the typical Mongolian epicanthic fold.

His complexion is probably darker than most Scotsmen and he wears his black hair long, usually in a pony tail. Think of the prototypical rebellious scientist (Riff's hairstyle from Sluggy Freelance). At the time we first see him he is 26 years of age, weighs approximately 148 pounds, and is five feet eleven inches in height. Besides his surname his height is apparently his one concession to his Scottish ancestry. I don't know his birthday yet, so I can't tell you when Hegel will next age--but don't forget that in the Superheroes story we are still in the summer of 2005. I've heard from a fly on the wall that the story was originally to be set without times, or even in the near future--but one reference to the release of Episode III forever changed the nature of the story, and thus it remained buried in time.

Hegel is currently not in a romantic relationship, and may not be ready to pursue anyone for a time. The love of his life was his girlfriend Libby, to whom he was about to propose. The two were on a camping trip in Michigan when they took a boat to Isle Royale (in Lake Superior). There in an incident that Hegel still refuses to talk about Libby died. As far as is known it is only mysterious so far that Hegel has refused to discuss it--he is not under suspicion of murder, and she may have died of natural causes. It may be because of this incident that he finally moved from Mammoth City (where he had attended college in a term that overlapped with Damien Valiant and included tutoring Dennis Brown while he was in high school) to Twin Peaks where he began teaching at Peters Community College.

~Matt

Calling all fans

I know that we have at least a few readers, though they don't always comment. That is fine, you don't always have to comment. However, it is nice to know that episodes are being read, ;-). Anyway, I want to see if any of you are interested in participating in this project a bit more directly.

Have any of you ever contemplated producing anything fan related? Are you any good with artwork? Have you ever imagined drawing one of the characters you've read so much about? Are you literary? Have you ever thought about producing a poem or short fan-work concerning something from the story? If you've ever thought of doing something like this--or even if you haven't, but would like to, then please contact us. E-mail me (lakotawolff at gmail dot com). We'd love to hear from you.

I'm also planning to launch these stories on a website sometime in the future. I think that a full website would be a great way to interact with the stories and include extras such as writer commentary or summaries. It could also, of course, include a fan art or other fan produced section--but only if some of our readers would step up to the plate to produce something. Now remember, no pressure, but if nobody does it then nothing hapens. A story is a terrible thing to waste.

~Matt

Superheroes and Villains: The Movie

Yeah, we skipped from soap opera to movie. Some people complained that the soap opera wasn't quite soap operaish (yes, that is a word, because I say it is!) so we've gone right to the silver screen. We cannot let you discover everything that happens at once, but I think it is time to let y'all have a sneak peak at the auditions, at least day one. It was a long process, but our faithful scribe AllonOak has recorded what transpired.

Please note that this transcription of actual events bears no resemblance to reality or to any persons living, dead, or reanimated. Please direct all slander and libel suits to the law firm of Onion, Acid, and Associates. Call or drop by, they'd love to chat with you! :-)

Auditions:

“So Black Wolff, what’s the audition schedule look like… does it look like ‘big fun’?”

“Tons of fun, Fibonacci! We’ve got… let’s see… a valley girl at 9:00… a history professor at 9:30… high school sweethearts at 10:00 and 10:30, and at 11:00 computer nerd who refers to himself as ‘Rubber Snake’…

‘Great… this is the last time we sign a contract to do all of our casting for a movie in backwoods Nebraska!!”

“umm… we’re in Wisconsin…”

“Whatever… it’s nowhere-ville! *sits down* “Ok... let’s get on with this… maybe we can save on paperwork if we file for bankruptcy ahead of time…”

******

9:00

Fibonacci: “So…uh… Marsha…”

“…the name’s Marcia”

“…Right. So, Marsha, what role do you see yourself filling in this film… I mean, what’s your goal?”

“Well, I, like, really had hoped to be a superhero, who, like, saved people from fashion disasters. Ya, and… um…, I was thinking I could, like, change outfits super super fast, and, like, uh, be able to uniquely identify all shades of color between pink and violet, and, like…”

“Wait. Wait. Wait… Just hold on a sec Marsha…”

“It’s Marcia!”

“Whatever… how do you plan to integrate this into the stated storyline of…’superheroes and villains battle for supremacy over a crime-ridden city…’ … how do you plan to do that Marsha?”

“Marsha! Marsha! Marsha! It’s always Marsha! Why can’t they see me for my real name…”

*Marcia runs out angrily*

Black Wolff and Fibonacci stare after her as she leaves…

“um… ok… put her down for villain…”

***

9:30

Fibonacci: “So, uh… Mr. Pettigrew…”

“That’s Lord Pettigrew to you, young man!”

“…right, so Pettigrew, what do you see yourself doing in this film… what’s your goal?”

“...As with all Sith lords… live… galaxy…”

“I’m sorry sir, could you please remove your apocalypse cloak, we’re having trouble hearing you…”

*still wearing cloak* “I said… ‘As with all Sith lords, I live to rule the galaxy!’”

*Black Wolff glances at Fibonacci*

“You know, I’d be laughing at this guy if I didn’t know somebody like this…”

“Oh? Who’s that?”

“well… actually… my dad…”

“ ”

“I’m sorry sir, please remove the hood from your cloak so we can hear you!”

“I said… *pushing back the hood* ‘Black Wolff, I am your father!’

*Black Wolff looks up stunned*

“Dad! That’s impossible! I saw you get on that flight to the history convention myself!”

“Well… ya… but what you didn’t realize was that it was a ‘history of Star Wars’ convention… and it was just a few miles from here…so I figured I’d just…”

“Dad, can we please talk about this later, we have auditions to do…”

*Drags Mr. Pettigrew out of the room*

***

11:00

Fibonacci (exhausted): “So… uh… Rubber Snake… what did you have in mind for this film?”

“Well... I work for a certain organization… and we’re ‘interested’ in the premise of your story. But I was thinking it needs a few… ‘modifications’ to make it more believable.”

“Right…So, what do propose we do?”

“Well, we have this really interesting piece of technology… call it… ‘the spoon’… and we were just wondering if you could test your film equipment…”

“I see, so you want us to film this… ‘spoon’”

“Well... don’t try to ‘film’ the spoon, that is impossible… only remember that…”

‘There is no spoon…”

“Well, actually it’s just invisible…”

“That’s it… I’ve had it! OUT! I’m sick of this!!”

“We’ll be in touch!”

“I need lunch…”

“Black Wolff… who do we have after lunch?”

“umm… we don’t have anyone after lunch…”

“WHAT?! That’s IT?!? Oh… we’re dead… we’re so dead… we’re bankrupt… might as well paint a big ZERO on my forehead… heck, why don’t we make me a crazy math professor and write me into the film, too, because I’m certainly not directing this circus…”

Monday's Lack

I must apologize, but I'm new enough to our publishing schedule, that I did not have anything prepared for Monday's scheduled post. I should have time later this evening to come up with something, or you'll wait for next week. But I promise you that if you wait it will be well worth it. :-)

~Matt

Return of the Fibster

Here we are again, another Monday already! Are you ready for the rest of the interview? Oh, you're not? Okay, I can just make this paragraph the entirety of the post. That would be okay with me--less effort really. Do I hear a clammoring of dissent? Ah, well in that case I might be persuaded to grace you with the rest of the Fibionacci interview. Enjoy!

Black Wolff: Now is there anything that you don't like about the project? (Besides having to proofread my long and comma lacking episodes)
Fibonacci: Trying to smooth internal politics between authors.
Fibonacci: The current issue is that we are developing two distinct factions: Those who like Q-Lab and those who don't.

[I like Q Lab, though you might not be able to tell from my episodes]
Fibonacci: Part of the intention of the most recent rule change is to merge the disparate plotlines so that this can't remain an issue.
Black Wolff: How do you think the increasing complexity of the plotlines will impact the future of the project?
Fibonacci: Two things come to mind.
Fibonacci: One is that we may end up with bigger continuity issues.
Fibonacci: Another is that the next change I make (generally I try to wait until the effects of the previous one are clear) will be to introduce the possibility of main characters dying and/or being removed from the plotline.
Fibonacci: Another rather fuzzy idea that just occurred to me is that we might give multi-episode story arcs a bit more official recognition / coordination.
Black Wolff: Can you give an example of that second point? e.g. can you point to a current such arc?
Fibonacci: Well, that's the trouble.
Fibonacci: They don't usually exist, because of the way the story is written.
Fibonacci: Let me put it this way.
Black Wolff: Ah, you want to institute such arcs? I thought you meant recognize existing ones.
Fibonacci: Can you point out a story arc in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that doesn't span the entire five-book trilogy?

[In retrospect I think he meant to type “does” not “doesn’t”]
Black Wolff: I haven't read the books in a while, so I can't think of anything offhand.
Fibonacci: To quote from The Princess Bride, nothing comes to mind.

[A more quotable movie would be hard to find]
Fibonacci: :)
Fibonacci: Those stories were written in a similar manner.
Fibonacci: Radio episodes, where the author had no idea what next week's episode would entail.

[If you like sci-fi try to find copies of X Minus One and Dimension X, two excellent old radio shows! Many were adaptations of short stories by those now acknowledged as twentieth century grand masters such as Ray Bradbury, Arthur C. Clarke, and Isaac Asimov.]
Fibonacci: *shrugs* I'm not sure how this idea might be implemented.
Black Wolff: So you perhaps might be looking for something like the episode groupings in Enterprise's fourth season?
Fibonacci: I'm just thinking that something will have to be done to prevent the complexity from branching out indefinitely.
Fibonacci: Maybe
Fibonacci: It will be several episodes down the road before I'll seriously consider anything.
Black Wolff: Okay, well to get back to the characters dying. Would you envision then that this story could have characters leaving and entering (to some degree of regularity) so that all individual plotlines don't continue for too long and become too complicated?
Fibonacci: The new plot generator is currently working overtime to balance out powers and weaknesses between nemesis pairs. Until that balancing is accomplished, we won't see it operating normally.
Fibonacci: It's either that or put a stop to new character creation.
Fibonacci: The choices appear to be keeping the characters static, or establishing some sort of dynamic equilibrium.
Fibonacci: I think the latter is a better idea.
Black Wolff: Who is your favourite character? (Minor or major)
Fibonacci: That's too hard to decide.
Fibonacci: My favorite hero is Dennis Brown.
Fibonacci: My favorite villain is Acidity.
Fibonacci: My favorite minor character is Frank Evans.
Fibonacci: Wait.
Fibonacci: Except he's a sidekick now.
Fibonacci: Or always was, I suppose.
Black Wolff: I believe that Fibonacci created both those first two, am I right? ;-)
Fibonacci: Yes.
Fibonacci: Frank Evans is my favorite non-super character.
Fibonacci: There we go.
Black Wolff: If you could live anywhere that has been visited by the characters so far, where would it be?
Fibonacci: With or without super powers?
Fibonacci: I think the Marcia Silverberg's hometown sounds nice.
Black Wolff: Do you have an answer for both? If not then without.
Fibonacci: There you go.
Black Wolff: Twin Peaks?
Fibonacci: Yeah.
Fibonacci: Small, beautiful country, no psychopathic Sith lords running around...
Black Wolff: lol
Black Wolff: Well I think that I've exhausted my questions. Do you have anything else that you'd like to say--err, type--before we wrap this up?
Fibonacci: Well, come to think of it the character that you modeled after me is living in Twin Peaks.
Black Wolff: Ah yes, Hegel. He is a fellow math-nut, isn't he? ;-)
Fibonacci: I can't think of any clever or inspirational closing remarks at the moment.
Fibonacci: Oh, here's something:
Fibonacci: At some point, I intend to write an episode in verse form.
Black Wolff: Like the (I've heard you and Carstairs speak of it) Buffy singing episode?
Fibonacci: I'm just waiting for the right assignment to come along.
Fibonacci: Except in that case the singing was actually taking place as part of the plot.
Fibonacci: In this case, I just think it would be fun to have an episode that was a poem.
Fibonacci: Ideally either a Dennis Brown / Darth Onion or Marla Stewart / Acidity conflict without a lot of extra plot threads cluttering it up.
Black Wolff: That sounds great. I'll look forward to reading that episode. Well Mr. Fibonacci, thank you for taking the time to talk--err, type--with us today. I hope you didn't tell us any fibs.
Fibonacci: Iambic pentameter would be ideal, except I can't write in that.
Fibonacci: No problem. :)
Black Wolff: *end of transcript*

~Matt

All My Villains

Episode I: Days of our Super Lives

Remember Episode LIII? The chemistry students with their experiment right next door to Marcia and her classmate?

" Rushing out of his room, Aaron quickly ran out of the dormitory and down the steps. As he started across campus, the sudden sound of an explosion, accompanied by a bright magenta mushroom cloud over the chemistry building, told him he was too late. “I’m going to get an F for sure,” he said to no one in particular. "

Well here you can see what really happened during the production of this episode. I assure you that it was a long and difficult process to get the scene exactly right. We owe a great debt of gratitude to Allon who recorded it all for posterity.



Scene 55, Take: 36

Director: "Ok ladies and gentlemen... one more time from the top, let's not mess this up again... annnnd ACTION!"

Marcia: *Walking with friend toward chemistry building lookalike* "...so anyway, this guy's got this terrible girlfriend... I mean, she does not look so good... and the stuff she's done... well, let me just tell you..."

*Steps into building*

*Building explodes in a purple plume*

Director: "dang it! Where's that technician... I told him the building does not explode until the next scene... AFTER we get the actors out...we're running out of Marcia lookalikes..."

*Marcia's trailer goes up in purple plume*

"...You know what... that's it. that's it, I've had it... Find that technician, he's playing Marcia in this next scene... and I get to be the technician..."

*remains of chemistry building explode in another purple plume*

"AHHH!!! That's it!!! I want his pyromaniac head on my lunch platter!!! You hear me??!! HEAD ON STICK!!! "

"I'll be in my trailer!"

*Director's trailer explodes in purple plume*

"GAHH!"



What will happen to the cast and crew of the SaV soap opera? Will they ever stop the crazed purple pluming pyrotechnic technician? Will the director ever recover from the purple attack? I have no idea. But tune in next time when you will discover the true story behind another amazing scene from Superheroes and Villains, the soap opera!

~Black Wolff

Fibbing Interview, part I

As promised I am hereby starting our regular Monday behind-the-scenes feature. This week our main feature will be part one of an interview with the project's creator, Fibonacci. No, he isn't obsessed with numbers at all, why do you ask? Well then, without further ado I present to you, (Drumroll please), our faithful readers (you are out there, right?) THE INTERVIEW!

Black Wolff: Shall we begin? Please state your name (or writing alias) for the record.
Fibonacci: Fibonacci.
Black Wolff: Upon which planet do you reside?
Fibonacci: Sol Gamma.
Black Wolff: Okay, I promise, I'll be serious now (maybe). ;-) Where did you first come up with the idea for Heroes and Villains?
Fibonacci: It was inspired by two things.
Fibonacci: One was the "pass around the book" thread, and the other was Ridureyu's post with profiles for an entire superhero team he invented just for fun.

[The threads in question are from our private forum where this project was born and continues to be organized. Pass the book involved responding to previous posts with your own sentence or paragraph to continue the story in progress.]
Black Wolff: Did you imagine at the start that we would still be going now or that some episodes would be the length they are?
Fibonacci: I thought the project would have to get restarted at least once to modify the rules, but it turned out it was possible to modify them without breaking the flow.

[For the record one RPG that Fib started did die, one has almost died, but H&V (or SH&V) has been a rousing success]
Fibonacci: As to how long it would continue with or without restarting the plot, I wasn't sure whether or not author interest would hold.
Black Wolff: How do you think the rule changes have changed the story, all for the better?
Fibonacci: With the most recent ones, it's too soon to tell.
Fibonacci: The last overhaul of the rules was rather extensive.
Fibonacci: The intent of most of the previous changes have been to make the random episode assignments less random.
Black Wolff: Can you give a brief example of a change for those who have never seen the behind the scenes process of episode production?
Fibonacci: When the project first started, each new assignment began with a randomly picked character; each character had equal likelihood of getting picked each time.
Fibonacci: I thought that on average they would all get featured about the same; according to the "Law of Large Numbers" from statistics, the percentage of episodes featuring each ought to get closer and closer to being even as the number of episodes written approaches infinity.
Fibonacci: The trouble with this is that infinity is really big.
Black Wolff: Is this countable infinity or uncountable infinity we're talking about here?
Black Wolff: ;-)

Fibonacci: Countable. You'll notice the episodes are numbered.
Fibonacci: With integers.
Fibonacci: The thing is, on the way to infinity there will be some imbalances.
Fibonacci: Specifically in our case, Dennis Brown was getting featured a lot more than his fair share.
Fibonacci: The first plot generator change that I made gave each character a weighted likelihood of getting picked.
Fibonacci: When a character gets featured in an assignment, their weight drops to 0 (although it used to drop to 1). Every time they *don't* get picked for an assignment, this weight increases by 1.
Fibonacci: So, for instance, if Carry Hobson hasn't been assigned for 8 turns, her weight is now 8.
Fibonacci: If X is the sum of all the weights for all the characters, then her probability of getting picked next is 8/X.
Fibonacci: At least, that's how it used to work. After the most recent upgrade, it's a bit more complicated because of character groups. :)
Black Wolff: So being featured is a great weight loss program? Now, I know you're not a telepath (at least I hope), but how do you think the writing process is different for you than for the other authors? Or is it likely to be the same?
Fibonacci: Well, I imagine it's a bit different for everyone.
Fibonacci: But I don't think my being the moderator influences it much.
Fibonacci: The rules are mostly mechanical, such that they could be administered by a computer program.
Fibonacci: I try to avoid anything requiring a judgment call.
Fibonacci: I suppose it's easier for me to ask for a deadline extension.
Black Wolff: Aye. Now do you go through any set process when you write an episode?
Fibonacci: Well, first I look at the two available options and brainstorm for ideas.
Black Wolff: Any lightning involved in those storms?
Fibonacci: Only if the episode is about Darth Onion.
Fibonacci: *cue the band to give a musical sting to indicate a joke*
Black Wolff: *band plays requested number with gusto*
Fibonacci: Once I get a general idea for a plotline, I go ahead and roll up the next assignment so I can inform the next author (e.g., you) what the new options will be.
Fibonacci: Okay, so I guess the process is a *little* different for me.
Fibonacci: I also have to try hard to pretend I don't know what that new option is, if whatever I'm writing might influence it.
Fibonacci: Usually it's not an issue.
Black Wolff: How can it be an issue?
Fibonacci: Well, if I knew that what I wrote would influence the details affecting the new assignment, I might be tempted to alter what I write, knowing what you would likely do with it next.
Fibonacci: This is why I keep the sneak preview of the next assignment restricted to just me and whoever the next author is.
Fibonacci: The current author isn't supposed to know the future.
Black Wolff: Ah, so after you temporarily erase part of your memory, where do you go from there?
Fibonacci: Usually I think over the assignment for a day or two, getting my ideas organized.
Fibonacci: Then I just start typing. Often the plot will take unexpected turns when I think about how the different characters might react to situations.
Fibonacci: In the last few episodes I've done, it's been a bit different.
Fibonacci: Because things have gotten so complex.
Fibonacci: Lately, I'll have a grocery list of loose ends I want to tie up.
Black Wolff: Do you ever reread previous episodes before writing to refresh your memory? Or do you just access your freakishly computer-like memory banks?
Fibonacci: Oh, I refer to prior episodes all the time. You know that "character reference thread" that I haven't updated for about five turns?
Fibonacci: I made that because I needed it.
Black Wolff: Just for the record I've been updating my table of contents after each episode, :-).
Fibonacci: Incidentally, your indexing of characters was superior to mine.
Fibonacci: Oh.
Fibonacci: GMTA.
Black Wolff: :-D
Fibonacci: Feel free to transfer that to the thread in question.
Black Wolff: So what has been your favourite part of the entire project?
Black Wolff: (I shall do that when I get a chance, by the way)
Fibonacci: Seeing various authors with various idea of where the story should be going actually work together and produce something worth reading.
Fibonacci: Oh, I just realized that the writing process *is* different for me.
Fibonacci: Because part of my job as moderator is to keep things running smoothly so that the project continues.
Fibonacci: Sometimes that means sacrificing what I would like to do in an episode, and would do if I were just another author, and substituting that for what I think will be best for the overall plot structure.

You'll have to come back to this section next week to find out how Fib's mind really works--find out which characters are his favourite! You may be horrified, you may be thrilled, but you'd better be here, because you won't find this anywhere else.

And now, in a hint of future possibilities I offer you a paragraph of humour. Early on in this project's history Fib decided to translate some episodes into Engrish to see how they turned out. The process is simple, but quite humorous. Start by entering your text into Babelfish and translating them into another language, Japanese is a good choice since that country is the origin of the word Engrish. Then you take that translated text and translate it back into English. The results are fun and often hilarious. Here you can see the first paragraph of our opening episode. First in the original English, and secondly in Engrish. We may feature more of these Engrish episodes in the future, so consider this a sneak peak of things to come.

English:
It was a cool spring Monday morning in Mammoth City. The sun struggled to shine on the massive skyscrapers and the people rushing to work, but only managed to pierce the thick cloud of pollution in a feeble sort of way. Business executives drove to their office buildings, children rode yellow buses to school, police officers sat down to their morning coffee and doughnuts, while gang members made sure their illegal weapons were in order before beginning the day's illegal activities.

Engrish:
That was the morning when Monday of the spring of the enormous city is cool. It fought in order to shine with large multistoried building and people where it hurries the sun in order to work but but in order to bore the hole through the cloud whose pollution of method of feeble type is thick doing. The member of one group verified their illegal weapons, drove to the officer who sits down in the coffee of the yellow bus and their mornings when but enterprise staff the office building, rode in the child in the school before beginning the illegal activity of day in order, was a doughnut.

Please, leave us comments and questions. I would really like to know how y'all react to this feature, and what you enjoy--or what you would like to see that we haven't provided yet. Thanks for reading!

~Black Wolff

Service Announcement

That's right, folks! As the moderator of this writing project it is my sad duty to announce to you that due to a variety of factors, in posting here every week we have nearly used up the buffer of episodes available to be posted. Once this buffer runs out, there's nothing to post, and the creation of new episodes is currently not quite as fast as one per week.

Our plan is to still have some sort of update here every week, but it's not always going to be a new episode. We have a few ideas, which should be entertaining. It's possible that after a while we'll run out of ideas, but I guess we can burn that bridge after we cross it.

For this week, I'd like to try and help out with an issue that was brought to my attention by one of our faithful readers. It seems that because of the scattered nature of the plot sequence (which I may talk about in a future post) it can be difficult for readers to keep track of the various plot threads, or even the various characters. We the authors have detailed profiles on all the characters (at least, all the ones with profiles) which may be displayed here in subsequent posts, but right now I thought I'd just give a list of the main characters (in reverse alphabetical order) with brief descriptions:

Sarah Marshall -- A child who was raised in the lab of the Dr. Gordon. She has unknown physical and mental enhancements, and known training in martial arts and other forms of combat. She recently escaped from the lab. Maybe she and Acidity should start a club.

Nightrider -- Known only by her Q-Lab codename, this mysterious woman was recently promoted to a high-ranking position in the lab, after arranging a coup and getting rid of her boss. She has not, I repeat, has NOT been infested with alien life forms. Nor is she one-quarter Elf. Honestly.

Marla Stewart -- No connection to the famous interior decorator. Really. She is the owner of Acid Resort, where Acidity was spawned. She is also working on becoming the female equivalent of Mr. Incredible. So far she's got super strength, hyper-sensitivity to fluorescent light, and the inability to touch gold without going limp. She doesn't really think of herself as a hero at this point, but she would be happy to rid the world of Acidity.

Marcia Silverberg -- A history major at Mammoth State University who works for Pettigrew/Onion, and is one of the few people who knows his true identity. Their relationship has changes somewhat since she got caught in an explosion in the Chemistry building and developed superpowers. She now has her own alter-identity: M'Jenta, a flashy villainess who can transform into pure energy and throw plasma balls. She is also the only super-being besides Darth Onion to have a costume. As M'Jenta, she has established herself as a rival of Onion who has grudgingly agreed to a cease-fire. She has the advantage, though, in that she knows his secret identity and he does not know hers.

Luke Lake -- A seventeen-year-old skater punk who broke his leg then got kidnapped by Dr. Gordon. The good news is we probably won't have any skatboarding episodes for a while.

James Faulkner -- He has not been called by his given name since the first episode in which he appeared, when he was transformed into the evil monster Acidity. Covered in green scar tissue, he has a face that even a mother couldn't love. He continually secretes highly corrosive acid from various glands on his body, and has to sleep in acidic water at night. He reacts badly to substances with high pH. By injecting people via a spine-like appendage on his arm, he can turn them into nearly-mindless minions, who obey his bidding provided he continues to give them regular injections. He has recently developed the ability to telepathically broadcast his thoughts, particularly to his minions. He really, really doesn't like Marla Stewart, partly because she owns the resort with the acid pools in which he'd like to still be living.

Frank Evans, PI -- This unscrupulous detective makes his living off the shadier element of Daze Springs. He currently has a working relationship with Acidity; he provides information in exchange for not being turned into a zombie.

Dr. Gerald Pettigrew -- A mild mannered history professor by day and an evil overlord by night, Gerald Pettigrew aka Darth Onion has been a part of the story nearly as long as Dennis Brown. His powers include the ability to shoot lightning from his hand like a Sith Lord, the ability to temporarily magnetize anything (or anyone) just by touching it, and the ability to instantly make people cry (hence the name). His weaknesses include rap music and cats. His costume includes a black cape, a Darth Vader mask, and a voice synthesizer that makes him sound like James Earl Jones. He currently rules over roughly half the gangs in Mammoth City, and as Gerald Pettigrew he is preparing to run for Mayor on a platform of promising to end gang violence. He is the mortal enemy of Dennis Brown.

Dennis Brown -- Dennis has been a main character ever since Episode I (and I'm not talking about the Phantom Menace). He is a geeky computer science major who just finished his freshman year at Mammoth State University. He has the powers of passive telepathy and shapeshifting, and is paralyzed if he hears the howl of a wolf. Just before the end of the spring semester he discovered that Professor Pettigrew, who he was working for as a T.A., was really Darth Onion, Dark Lord of the Juvenile Delinquents. Since that discovery he's done a lot of running and hiding, but with his recently acquired shapeshifting ability he may be able to fight back a bit more.

Damien Valiant -- A young employee at Elfaeren Base. His life was forever changed when he came into contact with a Cleaning Rag of Doom, transforming him into a superhero known as The Flying Squirrel. Around the same time, he was used by Q-Lab as an unwitting test-subject for the experimenatl (and possibly extraterrestrial) Queen Device. His powers now include flight and the ability to generate personal energy shields. His one weakness is an allergy to pine scent. For possibly nefarious reasons known only to Q-Lab, he has recently been made the nemesis of M'Jenta.

Carry Hobson -- Carry has been a recurring character since very early in the story, but was only recently promoted to main character status and given a full profile. She is Dennis Brown's girlfriend, and provides him with regular advice and support. She is also of African-American ancestry, a fact which has not to my knowledge been made clear in any episode.

Abby Gillis -- Abby hasn't been featured in many episodes, but she's already had a run-in with Acidity. She works at D.S. Scientific Studies Lab, which once held Acidity captive, and has recently been promoted to a position within the lab that allows her access to its deepest secrets. She has also been appointed as Marla Stewart's contact within the D.S.S.S.L.